Baby feet, Baby steps
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: Susan receives a letter from her ex-boyfriend, Anthony, who says he wants to talk about "us".


"_Love yourself the way your mother loved your baby feet. - Mary Lambert."_

…

The owl at the window was ridiculously impatient. Susan sighed as she clambered to her feet, upset that she was no longer allowed to remain settled in her chair, peering over the brook that ran near her house.

The owl was clutching a letter in its beak that it dropped on Susan's desk when she finally opened the window to let it fly in.

If Susan had thought owls could do such things, she would have thought it was giving her a surly look before it flew back out, wings spread in flight as it tried to get away.

"Well, good riddance to you as well," Susan muttered as she opened the letter, settling once more in her chair that overlooked the brook. "I wonder what Anthony wants this time."

Of course the bird belonged to her ex-boyfriend, Anthony Goldstein; she had seen it plenty of times before, even back at Hogwarts, when it used to leave her small gifts of chocolate or settle on her shoulder to peck at her hair.

And it had begun to visit once again, ever since Lisa Turpin had married their friend, Ernie back in November, and had recently given birth their first daughter, Bridget.

It was no secret that Lisa and Anthony had dated before he unceremoniously dumped her to begin following Susan around.

It was also no secret that for the first semester of Fifth year, Susan had had to wear baggier and baggier robes, before heading home for the Christmas holidays a whole week early.

But now that Lisa was married and Susan spent most of her time at home, taking care of her three year old daughter, it seemed that Anthony had taken an interest in her again.

Susan did not regret having her little baby girl, an adorable daughter she had named Hannah after her best friend, but she had no desire to let Anthony back into her life any time soon.

He had made it perfectly clear that the two of them were no longer going to be a romantic item way back in 1995, when she had first told them about her impending pregnancy, and just because the girl he had gone crawling back to had officially dumped him didn't mean Susan was going to let him be her best friend anymore.

Susan was half-tempted to just chuck his dumb letter into the fire, but she knew that was childish, and at almost nineteen years of age, Susan was doing her best to be anything _but _childish.

_Su, _the letter began, and she almost laughed out loud, because Anthony was clearly just trying to win her over and make Susan feel like she was fourteen all over again.

_Su,_

_Oh, Su, it has been much too long since we last saw each other! My heart aches daily at the thought of how far we are from each other miss seeing your pretty face and that bright orange hair of yours. I miss holding you in my arms, cradling you like a child. Most of all, though, my dear Su, I miss being in your presence._

_I know that life has not been going the way we had hoped, but I assure you that our love is stronger than any problem the world might throw at us! _

_Oh, Su, if you would only just tell me that you love me, then I would rush back to your arms and kiss every inch of your face. Oh, Su, oh, Su! _

_If you may not take me back as your lover, as least allow me to return as a friend, as a companion, as a compatriot. _

_I can understand if you cannot bring your heart to love me in the way it once did, but I beg of you to see me as how I once was, as one of your best friends, as one of the few in this world that you could turn to in trust to tell the truth about what lay deep inside of your heart._

_I wish only to be able to see you again, my dear Su, the light of my life, the one person in the world who can make me feel pure and whole where I no longer I am._

_I wish to only be able to look upon your face and know that you are happy and that you are content in this seemingly lonely life that you appear to have chosen._

_I still have feelings for you, my sweet, sweet Susan, but if you cannot make yourself feel such a thing for me ever again, I understand._

_Tell me now, so that I might be able to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and continue down the path of friendship with you. Tell me now whether or not you could ever love me as you once did, in the way that we did at school._

_Tell me if there is still a chance of "us" anymore, because I am so, so tired of it just being "you and I", Susan. I am tired of us being so far from each other, unable to communicate properly, because you seem reluctant to see me._

_I promise, Susan, I have grown up, and I am much more the man than the fifteen year old boy who left you because he was immature and unsure of how to handle life._

_I am much more grown up and much more ready than I once was, so please, Susan, I beg you to meet me by the brook near your house if you think we could have a shot of being friends, still, if not anything more. _

_If you still wish to keep me as an old friend, then I implore you to settle on the banks of the brook near your house tomorrow night, to meet me._

_I know that you will do this, Susan, because I know that you want to maintain some semblance of our old romance as much as I do._

_Your love and most trusted companion who has always been here for you in your moment of need,_

_Anthony Goldstein_

This time, Susan _did _laugh, spluttering as she fell to floor, clutching the letter in one hand and struggling-failing miserably, really-to keep it all together.

Anthony was crazy, full on crazy. His letter was in the same style as it had been when they were dating, sappy and romantic bullcrap that Susan had fallen for every time.

But now she saw through the compliments and poetic words; _now _she could see that Anthony was just full of himself and thought Susan should just fall in line behind him and sing praises about what a great person-what a great _man-_Anthony was.

She supposed that the only real question here was whether or not she _did _want to maintain some semblance of a relationship with Anthony.

After all, Anthony _was _the father of her child, and had once been a doting boyfriend.

After all, he didn't even mention that child once in his letter, as though trying to forget she existed.

…

"I'm glad you came, Su," Anthony said brightly as she stood to meet him, crossing her arms when he moved towards her. "I've missed you so much."

"You sure seemed to miss me when you were begging Lisa Turpin to take you back, and even tried to interrupt her _wedding _to confess your love for her. Rumour is that you lied and spread lies about how Lisa's baby was actually _yours _and not Ernie's. An interesting statement to make, considering your inability to properly raise the child that actually _is _yours."

"Now, Su, we never officially confirmed that that little girl is mine. For all I know, she could be Draco Malfoy's. And besides, we're not here to discuss the matter of paternity; I want to talk to you about our relationship _now. _I want to talk about _us._"

"Us? What does that even mean?" Susan raised an eyebrow questioningly, hands curling into fists as she tried to avoid decking Anthony's smug face. She had come here to talk about the possibility of being friends, not _punching _him.

Remember, she told herself, you're _mature _now. You're _grown-up_. Don't let him get to you, don't let him make you emotional or childish or even _think _about taking him back.

"What do _you _mean by what does that mean?" Anthony gave her a shocked look, and she half-expected him to let his hand flutter by his chest. "Susan, my dear, sweet Susan! The love of my life, the light of my world! Susan, darling, _Susan_, when I say us, I mean _us. _You and me. Together, living the happy life, having fun exploring the world around us."

"And what about my daughter? _Your _daughter, I might add, because I'm not a slut, Anthony Goldstein, and you're the only boy I ever slept with. I can't just let you back into my life if you refuse to even _acknowledge _the fact that I am trying my damned hardest to raise my_-our_-child all by myself. Us? Anthony, there is no _us_. There might have once been an _"us"_, but the second you ditched me because I was pregnant, you ruined that relationship."

"Friends, then," he said in a flurried voice, putting out his hands to grasp her shoulders, but Susan ripped herself from his grip, disgusted by the needy tone in his voice. "Friends, Susan, think about it. If not dating anymore, if not lovers as we were so clearly meant to be, then at least give me the chance to be your friend once more. I'll even help to raise your daughter."

"_Our _daughter," Susan said with a scowl, and she knew that coming out here in an attempt to see if Anthony had changed clearly had failed her. He was still the slimy, womanizing idiot he had always been, and Susan wanted nothing to do with him.

"Wait, Susan, please! _Our _daughter, alright? I'll help raise _our _daughter! Please, Susan, just give me a chance to show you that I _have _changed. I promise, Susan, I am much more mature now! I've learned from the past and I am ready to be the man you deserve."

He reached out to grip her wrist as Susan started to walk away, spinning her around so that they were face to face; Susan could see the desperation in his eyes, the flurried, frantic movement of his actions as he did his best to try to convince her.

But Susan was having none of it. She didn't _need _Anthony, and she certainly didn't _want _him, either. He might try to convince her otherwise, but she knew the truth about him, now.

"You know, Anthony, I had had hope for you. I had _hope _that you really were changed, that you were mature and responsible and ready to accept that I am not your girlfriend, that Lisa is not your girlfriend, and that treating women like objects will get you nowhere. I guess all my hope was for nothing, though, because you're still a self-absorbed _ass _who can't seem to realise that no one _wants _you. No one wants to date you and no one wants to be your friend, especially not me!"

"Su, please. Su, baby doll, _please. _Friends, at least? Please say we can be friends? Oh, Su, please, I'm begging you! Su, baby, please, _please. _Don't walk away from me! We're friends, we're friends, Susan, oh, I just know we are. You and me, Susie, we're friends, please?"

Anthony was full-on _begging _her now, he really was, and Susan nearly laughed in his face in embarrassment for him.

"Leave me alone, Anthony. Leave me alone, leave Lisa alone, and please just leave us all alone. I had hoped that we might be friends again, eventually, but you're nothing more than the selfish fifteen year old boy you were back when I met you over the summer in a coffee shop to tell you I was pregnant. You wanted nothing to do with me then, right, Anthony? What was it you said to me? _We're splitting up? We're through, we're done, and I don't ever want to see you again?_"

"Susan, please, I've changed, I've matured. I promise you, the new Anthony would _never _say those things to you! Please, understand me, I only want to be your friend! I promise, I've changed! I've _changed_, Susan!" He was leaning against her, his weight pressed against Susan, and she nearly fell over trying to push him off of her.

"We're done, Anthony. We're not dating anymore, and we're not friends. You and I? We are _nothing_ anymore. So, please, just leave. Leave me alone, I don't want to be your friend anymore. Our friendship is over, it's through, and this is the end. So just…just _go._ Okay? Just _go._"

"Su?"

"Go _away_, Anthony. I'm done with you. We are not friends, anymore, do you understand? You and I are nothing, _absolutely _nothing anymore, and if you don't leave right this very second, I will scream until one of the Muggles around here call the cops to escort you off of this property. Do you understand me, Anthony Goldstein?"

He was already long gone, Apparated away, leaving her to slump to the edge of the brook near her house, trying to settle the tears that wouldn't stop bubbling up.

She wasn't going to let him control every aspect of her life anymore. She wasn't going to let him define her anymore. Susan was her own person without Anthony, and she could love herself even without him around.


End file.
